Artist Rendition of Actual Events Pt1&2

Brett-boy: Not Ready For Prime Time

You know, kids, our buddy Brett-boy's thrown a lot of passes over the years. But only one man caught one of those passes in both college and the NFL. Can you guess who it is? Here's a hint:

That's right, it's none other than Prime himself, Neon Deion! But wait, Deion's not a receiver; how could he have caught a pass from Brettie? Why, that's easy. Just ask one of the other 272 defensive backs who have been the beneficiaries of Brettie's largesse.

And guess what? Prime Time ran both of those interreceptions back, first in college, then in the pros, for a touchdown. Brett-boy's giving spirit knows no bounds.

We here at Favregnügen salute Neon Deion "Prime Time" Sanders, a man who first gave us a taste of what was to come, then followed through as one of a long line of players wearing the wrong jersey upon whom Brettie Boop has bestowed a highlight-reel play. Here's to you, Prime!

Hopefully, when Brettkins become eligible for enshrinement in Canton, the selection committee will take into account the fact that he was repeatedly chumped by a man who owns multiple plaid three-piece suits. An important part of the decision-making process, we believe. Just to make sure we understand exactly what we're dealing with here, let's view the evidence from another angle:

Favre Teammate Engages in Lewd Behavior

Here's a juicy tidbit for all the fans!!!
POOPY!

Mary McCarthy, told police she was startled by a strange sound and saw Davenport squatting in her closet.

I hereby dole out 1 Favregnugen award:

For the Sensitive Man ...

Free Steve and Melly!

Is there no justice in this world? Scott Scherer and Melanie Hardrath are being jailed for the "crime" of trying to protect Hardrath's son from just a sliver of the horrible sights with which the media rots the minds of our children. Turn on prime time TV sometime, see if you can stomach the foul language and frank sexual discussions you might hear at eight/seven-central! A family hour! Try to count the murders, the corpses, the gunshots, the bloodstains, the graphic depictions of violence and death in a single hour of any number of network television shows about law enforcement. Network shows, freely broadcast for all to see. For shame. Have we no sense of decency, America?

Scott and Melly do. They understand what it means to be a parent. What it means to protect the fragile innocence of childhood. Being adults, they choose to watch adult programming, which is entirely their prerogative. They watch Packer games. But do they expose their child to such unsightly incompetent quarterbacking as the recent body of work of one Mr. Brett Lorenzo Favre? Absolutely not.

Being conscientious parents, they chose instead to lock the child in his room during Packer games, to ensure that he would not have to endure the twilight years of a legend in decline, the sight of a washed-up senior citizen desperately clutching for elusive career records at the expense of paying customers who might prefer a team that wins its games. What if the child, in his formative innocence, were to see one of these "games" and grow up with the misguided belief that the object of the game of football is to throw the ball at the guys on the other team, perhaps to try to hit them with it in a sort of bastardised variation on dodgeball? Could they sleep at night know they had sentenced their child to a life of humiliation and ostracism, not having any idea how football is played. Obviously not. Scott and Melly are just a little better than that.

Circuit Judge Jeffrey A. Wagner, bizarrely enough, considered this some sort of child abuse. Is he mad? Did the child go hungry? No, he was provided with peanut butter, jelly and a loaf of bread, free to indulge in all the sandwiches his heart desired. What child would not delight at unlimited jellynutter sandwiches? Yum!

He was also left with a bucket with which to respond to the calls of nature. And, knowing the value of instilling habits of cleanliness in an impressionable child, Scott and Melly were kind enough to force the child to clean out the bucket.

All in all, a child provided with all a young boy might need on a Sunday afternoon, while his loving parents chose to spare him their suffering. Who are we to tell them they are wrong? Who among us has made such a sacrifice for the well-being of a helpless child? A whole loaf of bread!

If you're as outraged as we are, click here, scroll down and send an email to the circuit court offices letting them know what you think of Judge Wagner's decision. Let him know that here in America, we care about our children.

This story, by the way, was brought to our attention by Skeller over at Fake Teams in an article in which he counsels fantasy football players not to draft Brett Favre. Presumably, this advice applies to people who play in one of those leagues in which interceptions count for negative points. Brett does not understand these strange customs.